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Tuesday, October 30, 2012

the two-year rebuttal by meg mason

Last month I made a list.  Of all the many wonderful things I miss about home and Los Angeles in the two years since I've been away.  I called it What I Miss.

This week she made a list to my list.

She:  Meg Mason.

Meg Mason is a journalist, an author, a wife, a mother, the one who drinks coffee with me on milk crates outside of Bertonis almost every day.  She lives in a small house, lets me read all of her books, has two daughters the exact same age as my two sons, always wears a onesie, and hates having her picture taken.  We write together on Tuesdays.  When we don't forget.  I make her cookies.  She makes me laugh.    

This is Meg's first book.


This is Meg's only back. 



And this is Meg's guest post.

* * * * * 

You have been here, with me, sitting on a milk crate at Bertonis for nine months now so...

My sister wives.  My besties.  My friends.  So much.
Nikki, Sally, Other Meg, Andria and I are yet to decide how we feel about this.  John the barista is taking it hard though.  

My family.
They came with you!  Max?  The little guy?  I've seen them!

Mom.
We have moms here.

Having a babysitter.
Oh, hi.

Having another baby.
You could have had one by now - it's been nine months.

Watching the babies of my friends turn into people.
Do not let Daphne Mason (age 6) read this.  After every cute thing she's done for you?

Watching Barbara Walter’s 10 Most Fascinating People.
The Kardashians were on the 2011 list.  The Kardashians.

Nora Ephron.
Do you want to borrow Heartburn?

Oprah.
Gail.  (Are we free-associating?)

O Magazine at a reasonable price.
Suddenly $18.95 for a magazine that is three months out of date and in opposite seasons isn't "reasonable"?

Domino.  Still.
We all feel like that.  I can set you up with some Cookies from '08 though.  They are $18.95.  Each.

Target.  The one on Jefferson.
Target.  The one in Broadway.

Trader Joe’s.  All of them.
I don't know this Joe, double air quotes, or what he is trading, double air quotes, with whom, but... alarm bells, is all.

Veggie sausage patties.
Veggie what?  It's sausage but it's veggie?  Nope.  Not real.

Saying tomato without thinking “tomayto/tomahto” in my head.
It's tomarto, but we know what you mean.  And we like it that you try.

Saying I’ll be home in one to two years.
I told you to be home by 11.

Knowing when I will be home.
Not a minute after.

Not the 405.
One day you will not miss Victoria Road.

Having a drive on.
I don't know what this is but walking is better.

HBO.
Read a book.

Hulu.
Read a book.

Tivo.
Read a book.

My writers’ group.
Write a book.  With me.

Beth Stine.
She sounds nice.

New release movies.
God is teaching you patience.

The fall TV season.
God is teaching you missing out.

Having Christmas in winter.
God's birthday is in summer.

Being hot in July.
November until March, all hot.

The fourth of July.
Fireworks?  Wait until New Years.  Ka-pow.

Fahrenheit.
Makes no sense.  I've checked.

Miles, feet, and inches.
Google conversions.

Knowing how much my children weigh when the doctor asks me.
Tell him, Google conversions.

Having my blood pressure taken when I go to the doctor.
Come over at 3.  I have some time.

Nestle Toll House Chocolate Chip Cookies.
You need to lose this one.  That recipe with those Cadbury's sweet and semi-sweet chips you found, edible happiness.

Crest toothpaste.
I'm getting tired.

Garbage disposals.
Bad for the earth.

Being one day younger.
That happens everywhere.

Dr. Harry Saperstein.
He actually sounds awesome.  Is he played by Billy Crystal?  Genuine question.

The 40th birthday parties.
Give me five years!

The life events.
I'll have another baby.  You'll be my doulah.

The everyday moments between the parties and the events.
Bertonis.  Milk crates.  Every.  Day.

Bacon.
Come on!  We have bacon here.  You are scaring the people.